So a new trend in the home/decorator industry is creating a "man-cave" in the house. It is mentioned quite frequently on the HGTV home shows. Maybe it is the Virginia Woolf - Old School Feminist in me that finds this trend disgusting.
Where is MY room? I don't have one.
I share my bedroom with my husband, my living areas are filled with remnants of my children's presence, the kitchen is up for grabs day or night. My husband won't share his computer so the kids are on mine all night doing their homework.
Every woman needs a room of her own. That she doesn't share with anyone. That nobody goes into without her permission. Where all around her respect her space and don't beg and plead to use it and don't sneak inside it when she is not around.
I have seen one house in my life that contained a room just for the woman. It was mystical. Although she had died a few years before I saw it, the family had left it intact. Not as a shrine, but rather as a respectful gesture to her.
So before we go building special rooms for the men, we must not forget the woman. Her boundaries and defenses are already down, her lines are drawn in sand, her heart is open to whoever needs it. Four walls and a door provide her the physical protection she needs to look after herself. As long as she is out in the world, there is someone or something for her to take care of.
One might say that it's her own fault, that she should stand up for herself, etc. But why? Why can't we allow her to be the nurturer but give her her own space, too? Why must she have to beg for it? Doesn't she already do enough?
The man gets his man cave because he has demanded it. If a woman demands, she is considered hysterical. My daughter and I work together to keep each other from sounding hysterical around the men in our lives. We play by their rules in order to get along.
These days I admit that I am a little bitter about life. Perhaps that's why the man cave trend is particularly bothersome to me. I live in a big city where housing prices are high and space is at a premium. It's hard enough to carve out basic living space let alone extra space.
