Since I reached my fiftieth year, I have noticed a phenomenon happening among my peers regarding their attitude towards the world as it is today. I have decided that people in my age range can be divided into two distinct categories: those who embrace the future and those whose minds remain convinced that life was better "back then".
Each group demonstrates its attitude towards the contemporary world through a variety of behaviors. The Futurists, as I've named them, accept that the world is changing. Admittedly, Furturists may face contemporary challenges with some trepidation and caution, but they are optimistic in their assumptions about the outcomes. They recognize that the ways of the past were a response to the circumstances and knowledge base of the past. More importantly, they are willing, and wanting, to use this current knowledge base and circumstances to find solutions to their life challenges.
On the other hand, the Pastets remain convinced that the strategies of the past are perfectly capable of solving contemporary problems. Pastets consider that since earlier methods worked well enough before they will work well enough again. They are resistant to accepting the changes in our world. These folks are not technological Luddites; they are on Face Book and Twitter, they have satellite television and cell phones. Pastets resist the possibility that the new ways might be better and insist that the old methods will solve the new problems, (if there are any problems, which there aren't because the old ways fixed all of that). It was good enough then and it is good enough now.
When my grandmother died most of her friends had already passed away. Those who attended her funeral were primarily my mother's friends. My grandmother had witnessed most, if not all, of her friends dying before her. My mother vowed that this would not happen to her. She was determined to make friends with women who were ten to twenty years her junior so that she would still have friends by her side when it was her time to go. I witnessed the joy it gave her to make younger people a part of her life. It revitalized her and broadened her perspective of the world. In the end, my mother died before many of her peers. Her old and new friends were there to share in her last days. It gave her comfort to know that her younger friends had more life to live and was happy that she was able to share a part of their lives.
I hope that my Pastet peers will get on the bus with us Futurists and embrace what is coming before us. I don't want to hear you lament the old days and long for the days of the past. Our life is ahead of us, we already did the past, it's over. It's inevitable that you're going to have to come along. Get on the bus, don't make the rest of us drag you on board. We want to use our energy to enjoy the vistas that are just around the bend.
Wednesday, March 23, 2011
Friday, February 11, 2011
A Meditation on Man Caves
So a new trend in the home/decorator industry is creating a "man-cave" in the house. It is mentioned quite frequently on the HGTV home shows. Maybe it is the Virginia Woolf - Old School Feminist in me that finds this trend disgusting.
Where is MY room? I don't have one.
I share my bedroom with my husband, my living areas are filled with remnants of my children's presence, the kitchen is up for grabs day or night. My husband won't share his computer so the kids are on mine all night doing their homework.
Every woman needs a room of her own. That she doesn't share with anyone. That nobody goes into without her permission. Where all around her respect her space and don't beg and plead to use it and don't sneak inside it when she is not around.
I have seen one house in my life that contained a room just for the woman. It was mystical. Although she had died a few years before I saw it, the family had left it intact. Not as a shrine, but rather as a respectful gesture to her.
So before we go building special rooms for the men, we must not forget the woman. Her boundaries and defenses are already down, her lines are drawn in sand, her heart is open to whoever needs it. Four walls and a door provide her the physical protection she needs to look after herself. As long as she is out in the world, there is someone or something for her to take care of.
One might say that it's her own fault, that she should stand up for herself, etc. But why? Why can't we allow her to be the nurturer but give her her own space, too? Why must she have to beg for it? Doesn't she already do enough?
The man gets his man cave because he has demanded it. If a woman demands, she is considered hysterical. My daughter and I work together to keep each other from sounding hysterical around the men in our lives. We play by their rules in order to get along.
These days I admit that I am a little bitter about life. Perhaps that's why the man cave trend is particularly bothersome to me. I live in a big city where housing prices are high and space is at a premium. It's hard enough to carve out basic living space let alone extra space.
Where is MY room? I don't have one.
I share my bedroom with my husband, my living areas are filled with remnants of my children's presence, the kitchen is up for grabs day or night. My husband won't share his computer so the kids are on mine all night doing their homework.
Every woman needs a room of her own. That she doesn't share with anyone. That nobody goes into without her permission. Where all around her respect her space and don't beg and plead to use it and don't sneak inside it when she is not around.
I have seen one house in my life that contained a room just for the woman. It was mystical. Although she had died a few years before I saw it, the family had left it intact. Not as a shrine, but rather as a respectful gesture to her.
So before we go building special rooms for the men, we must not forget the woman. Her boundaries and defenses are already down, her lines are drawn in sand, her heart is open to whoever needs it. Four walls and a door provide her the physical protection she needs to look after herself. As long as she is out in the world, there is someone or something for her to take care of.
One might say that it's her own fault, that she should stand up for herself, etc. But why? Why can't we allow her to be the nurturer but give her her own space, too? Why must she have to beg for it? Doesn't she already do enough?
The man gets his man cave because he has demanded it. If a woman demands, she is considered hysterical. My daughter and I work together to keep each other from sounding hysterical around the men in our lives. We play by their rules in order to get along.
These days I admit that I am a little bitter about life. Perhaps that's why the man cave trend is particularly bothersome to me. I live in a big city where housing prices are high and space is at a premium. It's hard enough to carve out basic living space let alone extra space.
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